Some Days You Just Sit in The Floor and Cry

You Yourself have recorded my wanderings. Put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your records?  

Psalm 56:8

I guess I should be used to it by now, but the question always takes me by surprise. And I am never quite sure what to say as scene after scene flashes through my mind and I search for something wise and wonderful to say. The answer is always the same, however, while the look of confusion and incredulity on the inquirer’s face ranges from frustration to disbelief. If it weren’t embarrassing, it would be almost comical.

It usually begins like this. An exhausted young mother, knowing I raised four pretty incredible children, will ask that very simple question,

 “How did you do it?”

Now, I know she is looking for some magical words of wisdom that will make her world suddenly morph into the fairy tale perfection we always dream motherhood will be when we are little girls. After all the Titus 2 woman creed being what it is and all, as an “older woman” I am supposed to have the secret code on how to become the iconic Proverbs 31 Woman, right?  Don’t I wish! In retrospect I always chide myself for not saying something more saintly like, “I prayed constantly for the Holy Spirit to guide my every step” or something that shows what a truly Godly wife I am like, “My husband and I always worked together as a team and prayed every day that He would give us strength and wisdom.”  Both of these are true; however, the only answer that ever comes to mind is the truly down-to-earth one born from my decades as a woman of God living in the world of reality:

 “Some days we all just sat down in the middle of the living room floor and cried together.”

Uhhm…now you see why most young ladies back away from the loony lady very slowly and never ask again, certain that the four Kelley Kids didn’t turn out so fabulous because of their crazy mother (and they are mostly correct), but in all seriousness it is probably some of the best advice I have ever given anyone. It is definitely the most honest. Those were some of the most intimate times I had with God as a young mother.  That is why Psalm 56:8 is one of my favorite verses.

Nearly 30 years ago I attended a session at a women’s retreat where I received a copy of Glenda Fulton’s poem He Gathers Every Teardrop.   In that poem she refers to Psalm 56:8 when she explains that God loves each one of us so much that He watches every move we make and actually cares enough to gather each little, tiny drop of salt water that flows from our heart. It is a fact of life that we all cry, but how many times have you cried and felt like you were all alone?  Like nobody cared? That is not true. God is right there, gently gathering every teardrop.  Why? Because He loves us so much, and as Glenda Fulton states so eloquently in her poem,

He takes those tears and gently forms them into pearls before giving them back to us at the appropriate time. But if you know anything about pearls, that process is not an easy one.

 

That is what this entire website is based on – the tears I have shed throughout my lifetime – happy tears, sad tears, angry tears, proud tears, tears of confession, tears of worship, tears of frustration, tears of fear, tears of exhaustion, tears of longing, tears of joy…that were cleansing, healing, and solidified the bond I have with Jesus today. Tears are intimate. They reveal the most vulnerable part of our soul and whether we have learned it or naturally do so to protect ourselves, we do not often share our tears with just anyone.

But our God is an awesome God. He not only cares enough to be there when we need Him; He not only loves us enough to gather each and every teardrop; He values us so much He turns them into pearls – into treasures – and gives them back to us at the appropriate time.  What are these pearls? Blessings of every kind imaginable fashioned specifically for each  of us.

So when young mothers ask “How I did it” there really is no other answer I can give them for I am rich with the pearls God has blessed me with in the 30 years since I conceived my first child.

 

And since some of you do keep asking, I am honored to open my treasure box and share my pearls – along with the tears and stories behind each one – with you.  If in some way this helps someone make it through one of “those” days that seems to go on and on and never end, then I have served my purpose. And along the way perhaps we will share a few tears…AND a few giggles.

See ’round the tissue box!  

Jill, this one’s for you!