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Death of the Fairy Tale: Parenting the Strong-Willed Child

December 12, 2013 /
Credit: Thinkstock
Credit: Thinkstock

We start as little girls dreaming about ball gowns and Prince Charming and the happily-ever-after-fairy-tale we envision on the far horizon called adulthood.  We “play house” with Stepford-perfect husbands and children that can only exist in our imaginations, but all too soon we grow up and exchange ball gowns for wedding dresses and Prince Charming for Mr. Right.  We couldn’t be happier because we have it all planned out – right down to the number and names of our children.  We manage to deal with those things that don’t quite fit into our plans, but then one day we enter the hallowed halls of motherhood.  Our hearts are full of joy and happiness as we look in the face of our beautiful child and pull out all the dreams and expectations we constructed with such care so long ago.  It doesn’t take long, however, for us to realize there is a vast difference between our expectations and the reality we are faced with 24 hours a day.  As we look around through a sleep-deprived haze at our not-so-perfect little home and realize nothing – not the fairy tales or story books, not the chick flicks or long conversations with our girl friends, and probably not even the sage advice of our own dear mother EVER even hinted at this out-of-control life we now know as reality.  This is NOT how we dreamed motherhood would be – not what WE planned.   So we grieve for the blissful perfection of our dreams because we have no idea what to do in this world of reality. The problem is fairy tales are OUR plans.  Reality is GOD’s plan.  Life is God’s plan.

I know the plans I have for you says The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Jeremiah 29:11
So your first step as a mother of a strong-willed child is to surrender your fairy tale and embrace God’s plan for YOUR family.  Grieve for your dream for a second if you must, but then leave your dream at His feet and walk down the path He has chosen for you.
Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.
 Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.
James 4:13-17
The second step is to surrender your Magic Mirror.  Life is not a contest to find out who is the “fairest of them all”.   In other words, it does not matter what other people think, period.  And this includes the lies we tell ourselves when we look in the mirror.  HIS opinion is the only one that matters
Lastly, but most importantly, surrender to Him daily.  Let your prayer be, “If the Lord wants me to, I will …” There is no formula to follow.  But know that God will walk this journey with you every step of the way – in fact, I can tell you from experience, He often carried me every step of the way.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying fairy tales or chick flicks, but as fun as it is to dream of being the princess or the heroine,
in reality the most important thing you can be for your child is to be a woman who has a personal relationship with God yourself.
We will explore more in depth exactly what parenting a strong-willed child is like as this series continues, but nothing I can say from this point forward means anything unless your life is based on this truth – God loved you and your child so much He sent HIS son to die on a cross to die for your sins.  If you have any questions about that, I will be glad to answer them.  I am praying for the mothers in this ministry right now.  Remember….He is walking with you every step of the way.
I know the plans I have for you…to give you a future and a hope.

I am just an ordinary middle-aged woman striving to make a difference one word at a time. . . no matter what hat I am wearing at the time.

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2 Comments

  • Sally Feldman

    December 13, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Thank you for helping those Moms with less than perfect children. We all have one or more:). What we are living is real. It’s what God gave us. We need to support each other as Moms and not judge! Liked your article!!!!