Break My Plans … Still

Wednesday morning I posted an entry about praying that God would break my plans.

Break my plans; shape my heart.

Take my will to where you are.

Move my mind through you Word.

Till all that I am lives to love you, Lord.

Within mere minutes a severe thunderstorm ripped through the metro area and left damage in its wake. Trees were knocked over onto houses and cars. Electricity was out in various parts of the city. There were even some families mourning the loss of loved ones.

By late that afternoon I sat mortified, eyes glued to the television as I watched a monstrous mile wide tornado form and travel to within ¼ of a mile of where my youngest daughter hid in a basement on the University of Alabama’s campus. When it was gone hundreds of people had lost their lives. Homes and businesses were destroyed. Lives had been changed forever. I am eternally thankful that God protected my daughter and her boyfriend. They are safe and their homes are intact.

 Three days later I received a call from my dad that he was rushing my mom to the emergency room.

When I posted my prayer for God to break my plans, none of this had been in MY plan. No, I had planned on going to professional development Wednesday. That never happened. In fact, I drove for 2 ½ hours and only made it about 7 miles from my house, turned around and went back home. I had planned on going to work on Thursday and Friday. That didn’t happen either. I had planned on becoming a grandmother. I had planned on going out to eat with a group from school. My daughter and her boyfriend had planned on taking finals. Instead they were helping with relief efforts.

I could go on. Now, I know what you are asking. Would I take back my prayer? Absolutely not!

For to do so would be to imply that all of this happened because I prayed that prayer and to imply that would be to insinuate that God sent those tornadoes to test my faith. God didn’t send those tornadoes. He allowed them, but He didn’t send them. All good things come from Him, and there was nothing about those tornadoes. He didn’t make my mother hurt badly enough to need to go to the hospital, either.

I’ve been studying what it truly means to “love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might, and with all your strength.” I am discovering it means loving Him with every facet of my being. I must have an intimate relationship with Him where I put Him first and foremost. I will manifest that love in my actions. Everything I do – no matter who I am dealing with or what situation I am in – I will handle it in a way that emulates His love. And to do this I have to put my plans and desires aside and be open and flexible to go where He has me to go when He needs me to be there and do what He instructs me to do. I’m not going to get an itinerary. He isn’t going to sit me down and explain the next ten years to me and give me a play by play look ahead. Part of loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength is being willing to be flexible; be willing to change gears when He asks me to, having such an intimate relationship with Him that if the changes in my day take me down the path of a trial, I trust Him so explicitly I take His hand and let Him lead me, no questions asked.

So the answer is yes. I still pray that prayer – even though there is massive destruction all around me, even though my mom is still in the hospital, and even though I don’t know what tomorrow (or even today) brings.

 Break my plans; shape my heart.

Take my will to where you are.

Move my mind through your Word.

Till all that I am lives to love you, Lord.